I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
