i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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