obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
