his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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