before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
