I wanna passion pit in your ass
its not stalking. its research.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize