I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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