You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
