hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
