stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
