i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
