You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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