its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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