Umm I'm too high to move.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
