thus making me awesome and them whores
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
