You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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