the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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