ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
