I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
