I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
