he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
