Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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