I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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