i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
