Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
