I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He passed out mid-signature
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
