the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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