Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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