i already hear my dad disowning me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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