we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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