hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
