I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
