worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize