Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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