She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
