Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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