I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
