Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
