Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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