Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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