Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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