if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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