Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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