Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
