i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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