4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
