i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
