Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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