Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
