Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
