I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
