do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
