The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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