I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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