i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize