My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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