My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
