Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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