Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
