he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
