When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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