...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
